Magical Convention Testicles

My testicle-having, convention-going friends, I’m going to get real here. Like, this real:

My fiancée Lillian Cohen-Moore heard me complain at Gen Con about how the heat and humidity of Indianapolis this year (which was far better than in previous years, granted) made life a bit miserable, since I had to wear jeans to work. My upper thighs chafe up by Saturday, if not sooner, and walking miles and miles to different places in the convention center and to the surrounding restaurants and hotels is, to be cute about it, totally balls.

Vanilla Puff

Last Friday night, Lillian stopped in a LUSH about bought me some Vanilla Puff Dusting Powder. She wanted me to try it to see if it would help over the weekend while walking around PAX and the various hotels and restaurants around it. While the weather wasn’t the same as in Indianapolis, it was still fairly hot and without Seattle’s stereotypical rain to break the heat. I also wasn’t wearing the same clothing — at PAX I could wear shorts & cotton shirts, since I wasn’t working. At Gen Con, I wore jeans and polyester shirts, which facilitated sweating. So, this wasn’t a proper controlled experiment, but still useful enough for my purposes of seeing if I would be comfortable.

And I totally was. I used it Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, and I felt fresh. I never had that feeling that you get in the bathroom where you use toilet paper to wipe  the sweat off from around your testicles. (Remember, sweat has salt in it, and that’s why it’s no lubricant!) I used some every day before getting dressed, and I had it in my bag — in a Ziploc baggie, in case it opened up and spilled inside — just in case I would need to reapply later in the day. For PAX, I didn’t, but I can imagine I might for Gen Con.

After telling some friends about this, a couple responded with “oh yeah, talcum powder for the win.” But since no one’s told me about this before, I figure it’s worth a blog post so that all y’all with testicles can decide if this is right for you.

That, and there was something nice about dusting my bits in vanilla scent that just, I dunno, gave me a bit more spring to my step. It’s a grand ol’ feeling, one we can all enjoy when we’re trekking all over a convention city.

– Ryan

(I mean, individually enjoy by using it on ourselves, not you enjoying my application. It’s daytime right now, people!)


5 Responses to Magical Convention Testicles

  1. Gold’s Medicated Powder is one of my toilet kit standbys. It’s minty!

    • McNutcase says:

      The downside to using Gold Bond and other mentholated powders to prevent swampnuts is: mintiness results in a cold feeling. The first time it accidentally happened, it was almost painful…

      However, if you’re expecting it, it can feel pretty good. And of course the powder means less salty friction, and thus less chafing.

  2. Ruth says:

    As someone who gets chub rub in a day wearing a skirt, I have found the Monistat “soothing care powder gel” an absolute lifesaver–courtesy of Liz Bauman.

  3. TS says:

    I loves me some LUSH. I use their Dirty shower wash along with their various shaving creams (Dirty, Prince, and Ambrosia). I’ll have to try the powder.

  4. Ryan Macklin says:

    A couple friends have told me they use FreshBalls, Gold Bond, and other products.

    And a bit on my G+ thread about avoiding talc:

    – Ryan