Psychopaths & Phylacteries: Classes

Yesterday, I put out a silly idea for a game name: Psychopaths & Phylacteries. Apparently I’m making a few notes about this game now, namely the following. And I need your help.

  • When you make a character, you roll a d% to determine your class.
  • When you level, you roll a d% and add that class to your current one. If you roll a class you already have, you double the bonus instead. If you end up doubling it a second time, instead your heart explodes from being too awesome.

Onto the classes. I don’t know the actual mechanics so far, but I’ve also decided that that’s not important right now.

  • Cheese Princess: bonus when wielding cheese in a regal manner.
  • Emo Vampire: bonus when sulking about how you’re immortal and cursed.
  • Motherfucking Sorcerer: bonus to magic for 24 hours after engaging in sexual congress with someone who has given birth
  • Bare Druid: bonus when not wearing leggings of any sort. Double bonus when someone is uncomfortable because of that.
  • Were-Hippopotamus: bonus when charging at a foe in hippo form. Also, you’re a fucking hippo!
  • Racist Arabian Stereotype: may attack two additional nearby foes when wielding two curved swords.

If you start out as a Cheese Princess and level up to become a Bare Druid, you’ll be a Cheese Princess Bare Druid. You can see where this will just get silly.

Anyway, what I need you for: come up with some silly names and ridiculous bonuses or abilities. Don’t worry about the mechanics. I might use these, I might now, and for all I know next week I’ll shelve this idea entirely. So, for the moment it seems like a silly bit of fun we can all have making up stupid shit. :)

– Ryan


7 Responses to Psychopaths & Phylacteries: Classes

  1. * Linquistic Bullshitter: bonus to social interactions after convincing someone a word either exists when it doesn’t or has a different (and incorrect) meaning.

  2. Useless Bard: bonus to any inconsequential action that involves music or telling stories.

  3. Andy says:

    Munchkin. Roll randomly for height. Your height becomes a DC for your “Beat the Encounter” checks.

  4. Colin says:

    Murder Hobo – gain a bonus when you attack someone with your bindle.

  5. Colin says:

    Crunchy Hippie: powers up by eating grass and roots, loses strength when fully immersed in water, flees from soap.

  6. Adam Koebel says:

    Game Designer: bonus to pedantry rolls
    Story Gamer: bonus to feel feelings