Reverb Gamers Prompt #22

Atlas Games is doing this thing called “Reverb Gamers 2012″, with 31 question prompts to kick off 2012. I’m going to post one up each day, including weekends, throughout January. I invite you to do the same! And check out @ReverbGamers on Twitter or Facebook.

REVERB GAMERS 2012, #22: Describe the worst game you’ve ever played in. What made it so bad? Did your fellow players help, or make it worse?

My very first game of Dungeons & Dragons. I think second edition. It’s the high water mark for “shittiest game”, which I guess is more “high sewer mark”.

I was asked to join a game for a one-shot, as I was in town crashing over at a friend’s place. They were a third level chaotic evil party.

Yeah, it’s one of those stories.

I make my character before the game, with some help. A third level elf wizard named Brennan Quisinart.[1]  When we get to the game, as it starts, the DM describes the camp and then asks me what I’m doing.

“Uh, I guess I’m warming myself by the fire?”

He rolls some dice behind the screen, and says I take some amount of damage (he said something specific, but I cannot recall the numbers, just the hatred). I died, due to arrow fire that came in from no where.

Then the attack begins, where everyone else fought and I did fuck all but watch.

After the fight, we talk for a moment about whether I need to roll up a new character. I pointed out that I hadn’t actually played the old one, so maybe I could just rename him. So I did.

Oh, and my body was looted by another PC. So when I come back, I played my character’s half-brother, Shaft Quisinart. Because, well, I got shafted. I also described my elf as essentially blackface, because apparently I thought mock racism was funny once.

I asked for my character’s stuff back. What happened instead was said PC murdering my second character.

So…take three on my elf wizard. This was was Superfly Quisinart. I remember describing goldfish platform boots. I don’t know why. Probably because I was being shat on and making someone laugh was a new personal win condition. Said character did not challenge to tough fighter for his shit back, mainly so I could actually play.

And we played some bullshit game where “oh, you mesmerize the barmaid” was cool. They found some table of STDs in D&D and randomly rolled “Mummy Crotch Rot” for my character, though that was a long-term affliction, so whatever. Ha ha, STDs. Ha ha, joking about the fantasy equivalent of rohypnol.

Later, we had the climatic fight and we won…somehow with me having two Magic Missile spells memorized. So I used them against the guy who killed my second character, took back my item, and no one gave a shit. There was a joke of “yeah, that player never has characters survive.” They were even sort of celebrating this momentary win until I took it away.

I only remember one guy’s name, and haven’t seen them in years. I hope those guys aren’t douchebags anymore. But yeah, that was my first experience with D&D, and I’m glad it wasn’t my first experience with gaming.

– Ryan

[1] Don’t judge me. We were all young once.


One Response to Reverb Gamers Prompt #22

  1. This is great stuff and it resonates with me because one of our most hilarious duds was a D&D game with one character — an anti-paladin. He was decked out in black spikey armour and was a bad man. But he was first level. Consequently his first major act of evil (which I don’t recall) cause him to be beaten up and subdued by the second level bartender and he was forced to wash dishes until his debt was paid off. The image of Ultimate Evil washing dishes in his spikey evil armour has stuck with me ever since.